A great post. People look at me strangely when I say that one reason I want kids is that I want to one day be a grandfather with many grandchildren. I don’t think most people realizing that you need to plan that far in advance for the life you want.
This thought was the one thing that pushed me to stop wasting time dating my girlfriend- realizing that everyday now is taking away time as a grandparent at the latter end of life. Time to get on with it! So propose I did. Of course she was a winner and I was so lucky to have met her. Now 3 boys later, we’re off to the races…
Lovely. I used to believe the "you have to be happy alone first" idea; now I don't, but until reading this I hadn't noticed anything odd about the "a relationship won't fix you" thing. Now you mention it, why would being dissatisfied be wrong?
Fortunately for me, some instinct took over and 'made me' take risks to find my wife. Married for five years, first child on the way - I'm very glad I didn't stop to think too much!
Simon, it's been many years since I last watched 'The Green Ray' (at the BFI, no less!), and my recollection agrees with your perceptive summation of where Delphine finds herself at the end. I always look for the rayon vert at sunset and have never seen it! One minor point: this film isn't part of Rohmer's Six Moral Tales (of which 'My Night at Maud's' is indeed the best). I love his four Tales of the Seasons, and every few years will watch them in sequence through the year. 'A Tale of Winter' is one of my favourite films.
ah I must have imagined it as one of the six, though now that I think about it, it doesn't even follow the general pattern (temptation -> rejection of temptation), so I should have checked.
Though I haven't seen all of Rohmer's films, 'A Tale of Winter' is my absolute favourite as well. The scene of Felicie watching the play and how it reinforces her belief is beautiful.
This reminds me of the myth of Genesis, which in turn helped me accept that I did not have a call of celibacy on my life as a gay Christian back when I was still a believer.
In the garden, in perfect harmony with God and creation, Adam was lonely. God’s answer wasn’t, “cultivate a better prayer life,” or “learn to be happy without a companion first,” or “but my creation is perfect, why are you so lonely?”
No, God saw that Adam was lonely, despite the perfection of his creation, and gave him Eve.
There’s something deeply beautiful and human about that myth.
A uniquely relevant post in a time when the single are told by the coupled, “you need to focus on yourself before you can find someone else.” What’s comical is that no one knows how this works. We get lucky. Sometimes someone shows up at the right moment and sometimes in a sea people there’s persistent loneliness. Yet today to express wanting is a sigh of misaligned priorities? No. I believe it’s only through our recognition and honesty of that which we desire and then a letting go to appreciate the journey and adventure is when what our heart yearns for arrives, when we least expect it.
My wife and I’s relationship began because she went on the offensive- and responded to my absurd invitation to meet me in Barcelona for a week, as a second date. And the crazy thing is it absolutely blew up in her face as I was a miserable human and flew home for work before she arrived. Again, I tried something absurd and attempted to salvage my potential with this woman after standing her up in Barcelona, and she agreed to one drink. Three sons later, here we are celebrating our 10yr anniversary because I believed in the quest, have always had deep desire and met a woman willing to saddle up.
It is nice to read a different perspective on solitude and companionship. Could you please explain the analogy of unemployment and loneliness that you refer to. I didn't get the exact link you tried to make.
Thank you, Simon! I like how you frame this as an invitation to take our desires seriously, not defensively. It's a reminder that the courage to want, to pursue, and to imagine happiness is what leads us to truly live.
It is a profound tragedy that society has brainwashed people into the idea that being perpetually alone and single is the right way to go about life. I think deep down, most single people are lonely but they don't want to admit it because doing so puts the responsibility on finding someone in their hands and that takes a lot of hard work so it's easier to blame a lack of good people and pretend to be okay with being alone whilst you medicate yourself with either dogs/cats or video games and porn.
I agree that desire is essential to a good life, but you can desire other things than love. Desire to know the truth can give life meaning and this goal is often best pursued alone.
A great post. People look at me strangely when I say that one reason I want kids is that I want to one day be a grandfather with many grandchildren. I don’t think most people realizing that you need to plan that far in advance for the life you want.
This thought was the one thing that pushed me to stop wasting time dating my girlfriend- realizing that everyday now is taking away time as a grandparent at the latter end of life. Time to get on with it! So propose I did. Of course she was a winner and I was so lucky to have met her. Now 3 boys later, we’re off to the races…
Lovely. I used to believe the "you have to be happy alone first" idea; now I don't, but until reading this I hadn't noticed anything odd about the "a relationship won't fix you" thing. Now you mention it, why would being dissatisfied be wrong?
Fortunately for me, some instinct took over and 'made me' take risks to find my wife. Married for five years, first child on the way - I'm very glad I didn't stop to think too much!
The most comforting thing I could read at this hour
Simon, it's been many years since I last watched 'The Green Ray' (at the BFI, no less!), and my recollection agrees with your perceptive summation of where Delphine finds herself at the end. I always look for the rayon vert at sunset and have never seen it! One minor point: this film isn't part of Rohmer's Six Moral Tales (of which 'My Night at Maud's' is indeed the best). I love his four Tales of the Seasons, and every few years will watch them in sequence through the year. 'A Tale of Winter' is one of my favourite films.
ah I must have imagined it as one of the six, though now that I think about it, it doesn't even follow the general pattern (temptation -> rejection of temptation), so I should have checked.
Though I haven't seen all of Rohmer's films, 'A Tale of Winter' is my absolute favourite as well. The scene of Felicie watching the play and how it reinforces her belief is beautiful.
This reminds me of the myth of Genesis, which in turn helped me accept that I did not have a call of celibacy on my life as a gay Christian back when I was still a believer.
In the garden, in perfect harmony with God and creation, Adam was lonely. God’s answer wasn’t, “cultivate a better prayer life,” or “learn to be happy without a companion first,” or “but my creation is perfect, why are you so lonely?”
No, God saw that Adam was lonely, despite the perfection of his creation, and gave him Eve.
There’s something deeply beautiful and human about that myth.
A uniquely relevant post in a time when the single are told by the coupled, “you need to focus on yourself before you can find someone else.” What’s comical is that no one knows how this works. We get lucky. Sometimes someone shows up at the right moment and sometimes in a sea people there’s persistent loneliness. Yet today to express wanting is a sigh of misaligned priorities? No. I believe it’s only through our recognition and honesty of that which we desire and then a letting go to appreciate the journey and adventure is when what our heart yearns for arrives, when we least expect it.
Great post, Simon.
My wife and I’s relationship began because she went on the offensive- and responded to my absurd invitation to meet me in Barcelona for a week, as a second date. And the crazy thing is it absolutely blew up in her face as I was a miserable human and flew home for work before she arrived. Again, I tried something absurd and attempted to salvage my potential with this woman after standing her up in Barcelona, and she agreed to one drink. Three sons later, here we are celebrating our 10yr anniversary because I believed in the quest, have always had deep desire and met a woman willing to saddle up.
Hey Simon,
It is nice to read a different perspective on solitude and companionship. Could you please explain the analogy of unemployment and loneliness that you refer to. I didn't get the exact link you tried to make.
Thank you, Simon! I like how you frame this as an invitation to take our desires seriously, not defensively. It's a reminder that the courage to want, to pursue, and to imagine happiness is what leads us to truly live.
It is a profound tragedy that society has brainwashed people into the idea that being perpetually alone and single is the right way to go about life. I think deep down, most single people are lonely but they don't want to admit it because doing so puts the responsibility on finding someone in their hands and that takes a lot of hard work so it's easier to blame a lack of good people and pretend to be okay with being alone whilst you medicate yourself with either dogs/cats or video games and porn.
I agree that desire is essential to a good life, but you can desire other things than love. Desire to know the truth can give life meaning and this goal is often best pursued alone.